We know sex is good for a marriage, but that doesn’t mean we’re doing it. Work deadlines, car and house payments are just a few unavoidable obstacles to intimacy and maybe it’s been a month—or, gulp, two—since you’ve been intimate. The solution? “Make a sex date.”
Here is how to do it right;
Let’s Talk About Sex:
Put the kids to bed, light the candles, break out the wine…and have a heart-to-heart. Tell your partner how much you’ve missed your alone-time together and how much you miss the sex. Put it out there that since your lives are now so busy you should put some fun sex dates on the books.
Ask your partner how many times weekly he/she wishes you could have sex. Then chime in with your number—just remember to consider his feelings too. If you want sex a lot less than he does, throw out a number that’s just a little higher. Compromise!
Let your partner know that you’re happy to be the in-house Director of Intimate Relations, and then mean it. If you want him to participate in the ritual, then ask him to pick up a bottle of wine or a decadent treat like chocolate truffles to set the mood for every sex date.
Consult Your Calendars
Scan the nights of your over-scheduled lives and see what nights you can free up (even if you have to cancel some less important engagements). Mark the dates with pen, and just say NO to anything that might come up. Show each other that your sex life is a priority
Enlist The Smartphone
Set your iPhone or BlackBerry alarm to remind you of your sex date a day before. (You can also set in a sex date and receive email reminders.) You’ll both need the prep time, mentally and physically.
That’s right, it’s not just for teenagers. On the day before your sex date, start texting sexy messages to your husband or boyfriend. Think simple but to the point, e.g. “I can’t wait to tear that suit off you tomorrow night.”
Set Your Mood
Whatever makes you feel sexier and more confident, do it. Maybe that means reading erotica, trying on your lingerie or checking out some sexy websites.
Change The Scenery
If you’ve got room in your budget, then book a hotel. If not, then sexy up your bedroom with a few thoughtful touches. Switch out the cotton sheets for satin ones, tidy up and add a few scented candles and a bouquet of fragrant flowers. Maybe even place a few hot pictorial books on the bedside table.
Prep For The Big Night
Get a foot massage and pedicure, sneak in a workout, pop into your favorite lingerie shop and treat yourself to a light, healthy lunch. Most importantly, make sure you’re rested and ready to go. Nothing kills a sex date more than being too tired to do it.
Switch Things Up
Sex dates don’t always have to take place at the same time or spin out in the same way. Men like variety. Every once in a while, make a sex date for an afternoon quickie, or a romp in the shower. Keep it fresh! You may even enjoy your sex dates so much that you’ll both find them happening more often—even without the scheduling.