Back in January I went to a month long seminar for my job and I met this female.
At first I didn’t pay her any attention until she started going out of her way to talk to and be around me. This female would always stop by my room, always come sit with me at dinner and always show up at the places I would hang out.
On the night before graduation she finally told me she thought I was very attractive and was interested in me. I am a female myself and I had thoughts of being with another female but never acted on them. The fact that she was interested in me didn’t affect me too much because me and her lived three hours apart and she was already engaged, and claimed to be so in love with a guy. We said we would remain friends and keep in touch.
On the ride back home I received a text message from her saying how she wanted to get to know me better and was willing to work something out. Over the next few days I received calls and text messages from her every day. That following weekend was Valentine’s Day and she asked if she could come see me.
Even though I said sure, I didn’t know why she would rather spend time with me on Valentine’s Day than her fiancé. She comes on V-Day bearing gifts. That was the best weekend of my adulthood. We laughed, we talked and I had my first sexual experience with a female and it was wonderful.
Of course after that we grew closer. She came to visit almost every weekend and our “friendship” grew. I would ask her about her fiancé and of course he would call while we were spending time together, and she would ignore the calls. She would say she didn’t want to be with him and planned on returning his ring to him. She did exactly what she said she would, called the engagement off and returned the ring.
A few weeks passed and we continued to do what we did. Until one day that all came to an end. She called me and told me that she couldn’t do this anymore. That God was watching and that she needed to be with a guy, she needed to be with her ex-fiance. For maybe a month, she went back and forth between us two.
He finally emailed me one day asking what’s going on with us. He also stated that he knew she didn’t want to be with him and wasn’t in love with him anymore since she met me. I also knew this was true, but she wanted to live right. She changed her email address, changed her cell number, and cut off all communication with me. I was devastated because she was my first and I knew she loved me.
Months later she begun to email me again and I didn’t reply. I couldn’t reply, she hurt me too deeply. Over the past year and a half they got married and she has started back communicating with me on and off. The past two weeks have been more than usual. At first it was on a friendship level but slowly she has begun to express her remaining feelings for me. She says she hates that she hurt me and that she was influenced by outsiders.
We are definitely miles apart now due to the fact that my job moved me to another country. The past two weeks she has been emailing me everyday asking me to get on web cam with her and I have been doing so. I try not to be so available for her or let my feeling show but deep down inside I am ecstatic that she is communicating with me so often. She tells me, “I still love you and I couldn’t stop thinking about you over the months that’s why I kept emailing you.” She also tells me she plans on getting a divorce and wants to come back to me.
I know she loved me. I think she still cares for me and she’s right, she does keep returning to my life, but she is now a married woman with a different name. She sent me a message and told me to check my email. I checked it and it was naked pictures of her.
I thought to myself, ‘What would her husband say if he knew she was sending these pictures to me?’ I am keeping all the pics and emails so if something comes up with him I can show him that his wife approached me and all the things she sent and have said to me.
Am I wrong for planning to do something like that? What should I do? Sometimes I think she is playing with my heart because she comes and goes from my life as she pleases. When she didn’t want to talk to me she didn’t and made it where I couldn’t contact her. But now she wants to talk and she’s emailing and texting so often. Do I let her back in my life or should I tell her that we can only have a friendship and I don’t want to hear all the extras? I don’t think I’m in love with her anymore, but I will always love her because she was my first.
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