Sex Confession: “I Was Raped By My Uncle….”

molested-TFL

 

My uncle raped me when I was four. Sometimes, I ask myself what he found so attractive about me at that age to make him do that to me. Was it my flat, unripe bosom? Or my carefree smile that glinted with innocence- the innocence which he took away from me forever? I will never know. Who can fathom a pervert’s mind?

He stopped molesting me when I was ten and then I started touching myself. In order to climax, I would fantasize about the things my uncle did to me, which I enjoyed. That is my secret. Not the touching-  but that I enjoyed what was done to me. Now that I’m an adult, I know after reading countless psychological literature that children respond involuntarily to sexual stimuli. In other words, a child who is molested can sometimes enjoy it. So I’m not a freak of nature and it’s not my fault. But it’s only my head that knows this. Deep inside my heart, I detest myself. No one knows this is how I feel or that I’ve attempted suicide twice. I appear to be breezy and bubbly and happy. People always tell me, “You are so joyful!” If only they knew.

Women who are molested can either become frigid or promiscuous. 90% of all prostitutes lost their virginity through molestation or rape. I started off as an ice queen. Till I turned 23, I neither had a boyfriend nor slept with any man. I never even kissed any man. My friends and family thought I was the last virgin left on earth. At 23, I virtually became a scarlet woman. I had my first boyfriend. After him I started having one night stands. I dated a slew of married men. My sex partners thought I was a nymphomaniac because I was always hounding them for sex and I was insatiable in bed. Sometimes, I was stuck between being frigid and being promiscuous. I’d lure a man to bed only to be filled with hatred for him right in the middle of sex while he was happily thrusting away. I could not orgasm during sex. I’d get close then I’d stop myself because I was flooded with shame. The one time that I allowed myself to climax during sex, I wept uncontrollably. I could not have a stable relationship. The few boyfriends I disclosed my past to either run away or stayed and later got overwhelmed with my emotional ups and downs.

Last week, I started seeing a psychologist. I sat in his office and we talked about my past. At some point, I did not want to talk anymore because I was getting overwhelmed with feelings. He understood and rescheduled the session. I have decided to take it one day at a time. Despite everything, I’m still here and that’s all that counts.

Were you molested as a child or raped as an adult? How has it affected you? Do you know anyone who was molested? How are they dealing with it? Have you ever dated someone who was molested?

8 comments on “Sex Confession: “I Was Raped By My Uncle….”

  1. There r tins u cnt 4get nd dis is one of them, I hav bin havin sex willingly wit my cousin since I was 13. The best thing to do in our case is to accept and own the reality of wat u av become. Dnt b ashamed of it, try and hav orgasms and 4get d shame. Its just sex my dear, who or when u fucked doesn’t rili count after all ther was a time wen kids were given away in marriage to dirty men old enough to be dia grandfather and der stil pulled through.

  2. Sex have spiritual implication, so go to
    God in fasting and prayer with all your
    heart . and
    restoration everything will be over. And
    please remove your mind from Y̶̲̥̅̊o̶̲̥̅̊u̶̲̥̅̊r past buddy……

  3. I perfectly understand aw u feel, have been molested by 8different men and 1 woman so I can tell perfectly exactly aw u r feeling. I am still traumatized 1nce in a while and I cry or get angry or moody for no reasons @ times. But the thing about people like u and I, we r stronger dan we imagine. We ave lived 2ru all dese finz and we are still standing…

  4. Your Uncle is a pig. He took advantage of you when you were young, fragile and weak.
    Sociopaths like your Uncle have done a lot of damage, and it takes a long time and effort to fix the damage. Be strong, be smart, and be well.

  5. Pingback: I Was Raped By My Uncle…. | SHINBOW.COM

  6. I’m rely sorry about this. I know of a man that molested his four daughter’s, but the daughter’s are living a good live. So pls you have to let go and start a new life, you own your life, you have to make it good. But you have to forgive your uncle first to make it easyer.

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