Ever wondered why your woman might be sexually enthusiastic one time, and not as excited the next?
A lot of things can contribute to a woman’s lack of sex drive.
Here are some of the anxieties, worries, and distractions that completely kill her sex drive—plus what you can do about them.
She’s Worried about What You’re Thinking
Body insecurity can significantly increase her levels of sexual anxiety.
To boost her confidence, tell her how unbelievable she looks naked. But don’t just settle for the overused “your-body-looks-so-hot” compliment. Go into detail. Rave about her soft skin, her full breasts, or how sexy her back and butt look. Trust us, it’ll benefit the both of you in the long run.
She’s Distracted by the Climate
In another study, they found that the temperature of your love chamber is crucial to her pleasure. “At the beginning of our trials, only 50 percent of our female subjects were able to reach orgasm,” says Holstege. “But we learned they were uncomfortable because they had cold feet. We gave them socks, and 80 percent reached orgasm.” The socks aren’t the secret, though. In order to calm her amygdala and prefrontal cortex—the brain areas responsible for anxiety, fear, and danger signals—you need to create a pleasant environment that makes her feel safe, secure, and comfortable, he explains.
Make sure your place is prepped for mind-blowing sex. This means clean sheets, a pleasant room temperature of 67 degrees, and some candles nearby for good measure.
She’s Distracted By . . . Everything Else
Researchers studied the effects that audio distractions had on 41 women when watching an erotic film. Throughout the screening, random pairs of numbers were read aloud by a female voice while a device was used to measure genital responses. The result: The distracting noises affected all 41 women, resulting in decreased arousal.
Do whatever you can do eliminate distraction. Shut of the TV, silence your cell phone—even kick your roommates out of the apartment if you have to. As for music, although the right tunes can put a woman in the mood, you should probably check with her first before throwing on Marvin Gaye.
She’s Too Worried About Pleasing You
Researchers from Ball State asked 74 women to complete questionnaires regarding cognitive distraction—specifically targeting how they feel about their sexual performance and bodily appearance when naked in front of their partner. The results: More than 70 percent of women reported feeling distracted, which ultimately led to lower sexual satisfaction, less orgasms, and higher incidence of faking an orgasm.
The greatest source of distraction: whether or not she was pleasing you. Is this your fault? Not exactly. But you can easily eliminate this by merely speaking up. Whisper in her ear how incredible she makes you feel. And if you need some “sweet-nothings” inspiration.