Let me start by introducing myself; my name is Barbie Tee, the self-proclaimed Miss WakaWaka of Nigeria. The only human being wey don travel pass Ajala wey don travel round the world, my eyes dey see pass binoculars and my ears dey pick sounds even when dem dey silent.
I am a confirm Naija babe oh. See me looking all ‘tushed’, don’t be deceived, I dey enter all the paraga joints in my locality as much as I dey crash clubs on the Lagos Island. I am that niggress that will buy ‘bend down and select’, rock it on the red carpet, and when the anchor ask, I will simply tell her I bought it from a London boutique… we all took the Packaging 101 Course naw — my favorite!
I have a policy of give and take; so if you, as a man, want to enter my territory, you need to have plenty of money because na money I dey take survive! And God forbid, I will never do ‘osho free’ all in the name of love!
I am working as a receptionist with a private company during the day, and at night, I am a complete fun girl. I keep for myself a long list of rich boyfriends — yes, some are that old but who cares if First Bank is the oldest bank in Nigeria, as long as my money is safe there? I simply scroll down my list and pick nearest available network with the strongest signal, you know what I mean
But it doesn’t mean I haven’t met some ‘oloriburukus’ oh, just like one yeye Alhaji that took me out last Saturday. This man got us to the hotel, and after eating two plates of pepper soup and stepping it down with three bottles of Smirnoff Ice (I didn’t eat much naw, abi?), we entered the room. Alhaji immediately took to action like a hungry wolf ni sha, but as a sharp girl naw, I tell am say na ‘cash and carry’ — no credit.
The Alhaji wan dey use strong head, na then I minimize my Barbie Tee ‘window’, show am the real Ms. WakaWaka, only to discover that the man had just 2K left on him. I dragged the 2K from his hand and stormed out of the hotel room — no time to waste time, you know?
I got to the main road, decided to hail a cab, and while I was waiting, a blue Murano sped past. I must have shut the driver’s brain down when he saw me because he suddenly stopped and reversed to offer me a lift to anywhere I wanted to go — should’ve asked if that was another service from MTN but the ride was painted blue….
Did I take the offer? If I did, what happened in the car and after? And if I didn’t (did you just say wrong option? Well, you never can tell.), what happened before I slept that night? All these questions and more will be answered when come back next week… till then; keep the love burning for your sweet girl, Ms. WakaWaka.