Most of us like to think we’re pretty confident in our bedroom abilities but we’re not all the skillful lovers we would like to think we are.
We may sincerely believe otherwise, but when it comes to the fundamentals, too many of us are making serious and avoidable mistakes in the sack. Next time you get down with someone for the night, be prepared.
Read the 10 sex basics men get wrong.
Foreplay Is More Than A Means To An End: Foreplay is not simply a means to an end. Some men speed through it, though, kissing here and caressing there, as they disrobe in anticipation of the act they appear desperate to begin. Guys, you’ve heard it before andyou’re hearing it again, a well-paced build-up, the make-out, the undressing, the reciprocal oral sex will mean a more fulfilling encounter and, more importantly, a standing invitation for more.
Silence Is Not Golden: Men are taught to admire the strong, silent type, the guys who, no matter the circumstances, stay steely and stoic. But while that lack of emotion might work in your favour at a poker tournament, it won’t play out quite as well during sex. Instead, it risks alienating your partner by leaving her to wonder if she’s actually pleasuring you. There’s no need to exaggerate, leave the heavy moans and contorted facial expressions to the guys in porn but you can let her know you’re enjoying her company in a genuine way. How you articulate this is your choice. And if you’re still not convinced, ask yourself this: What would you think if she were completely mute during sex?
It’s Not All About The Orgasm: In any sexual encounter, there’s at least a tacit understanding that you’re both there to cum. And, though circumstances are unlikely to alter that objective, it shouldn’t be the only thing you have in mind. Rather than rush it, why not enjoy the experience as a whole? You’ll prolong your pleasure, and your partner will feel like she’s with a guy who actually knows what he’s doing. The conclusion, though delayed, will be a lot more satisfying for everyone involved.
Cunnilingus Requires Some Technique: To guys reared on porn, performing oral sex on a woman means a lot of quick licks at the labia majora, followed by brief, orgasm-inducing penetration with your tongue. But while that might look good on screen, the labial tongue lashing is not a technique girlfriends have endorsed. When it comes to cunnilingus, don’t be shy, it will feel much better for her, and likely far more erotic for you, if you take it slow and aren’t afraid to get close.
Use Your Digits Wisely: ‘Digital’ penetration is a normal part of foreplay. Some men finger their partners with a vigour normally reserved for sex, as though they’re offering a taste of what’s to come. All this proves, however, is that they have no idea what a woman wants, so they’ve resolved to go hard and fast. You should aim for a more measured approach, taking care to acclimate her to the feel of your fingers as you gradually insert more of them.
Mix It Up: Pounding away at a woman during sex is an instant turnoff. Nonetheless, many men do, convinced that they’re partner will ultimately feel something. This approach is synonymous with inexperience; there is no nuance, no build-up, no feeling. Rather than simply thrusting away from beginning to end, you’ll want to vary your speed throughout sex. Gauge your partner’s response and let it inform your movements. If she asks you to go harder, oblige. But if the moment calls for it, go slowly. Sensitise yourself to her needs. You’ll last longer, and you’ll both be happier for it.
Pay Attention To Her Clitoris: Here’s something every guy will tell you: Don’t ignore her clitoris. Any woman you meet is more likely to come from clitoral stimulation than any sort of penetration. But to many men, this is an invitation to rub relentlessly in order to make their partner climax. As you’ll learn, though, the clitoris is extremely sensitive, so too much force can actually prove painful. You’ll want to approach it carefully and always with neatly cut nails.
Keep Her Whole Body In Mind: It makes sense that many guys focus on the one or two sensitive areas of a woman’s body. After all, we hear so much about the clitoris and G-spots. But other areas of a woman’s body, her neck, her inner thighs, her ears can be even more sensitive, and can help turn her on initially before touching anything else. If you’ve worked her neck for a while, move down to her breasts. Keep things varied. No woman dreams of a predictable, inattentive lover.
If You Like It Rough, Make Sure You’re Sweet Afterward: There’s nothing wrong with a little roughness if it’s consensual. Many women freely admit that they enjoy being slapped on the bum, for example. But you should never, ever take it too far. No one wants to leave the bedroom in need of medical attention and you should always remember to show some compassion afterward. When it’s all over, make sure you pay attention to her immediate needs, which will likely mean snuggling and cuddling. You’ll enjoy it, too.
Don’t Stress Out About The G-SpoT: The location of the G-Spot, or Gräfenberg Spot, has long eluded men. For the record, it is widely understood to be a couple of inches up the anterior vaginal wall, between the vaginal opening and the urethra. Your search will probably be less scientific, so, once you’ve inserted your fingers into her vagina, curl them as though you were asking someone to come toward you; the spot you’re looking for will feel rippled. But don’t let that elusive area become the be-all, end-all of your sex life and don’t convince yourself that it can induce an orgasm for every woman. Take the time to ask her what she likes and search for her body’s hotspots.