Back Door Basics: Anal Sex 101 (Lesson 1)


Tips on how to enjoy anal sex, as it can be one of the most pleasurable sexual experiences ever!

For many people, especially women, anal sex still remains somewhat of a taboo subject. It’s one of those things that lots of us want to try, but are either afraid of what it entails (and if it’s going to hurt!), or just don’t know how to get started and do it right.

Anal sex can be one of the most intense sexual pleasures you’ll experience, for both men and women. Communication is key—both of you have to feel comfortable with each other and talk about what you both want from it before you commence. If one of you is more experienced than the other, use your knowledge to allay any fears your partner has. If you’re both new to anal sex, go slowly and just enjoy exploring each others’ bodies, incorporating anal play into your foreplay. Getting used to being probed back there is essential if your body is going to relax enough to allow full penetration. It’s a good idea to just spend a few sessions playing with each other, before you go the whole way. Your body needs to sync with your brain when it comes to anal sex. If one is relaxed, the other will soon follow.

Get Warmed Up

A lot of people don’t like anal when they first try it, because they’re simply not doing it right. It can be very daunting the first time you either penetrate an asshole or receive a cock in your asshole.

Men have a tendency to think that a woman’s asshole is like her vagina—a hole they can just shove their cock into and get pumping. But think about it, guys. When you have standard intercourse, do you really just stick it in, without both getting prepared first? And, girls, you wouldn’t seriously let your lover just thrust up inside you with no foreplay, arousal, or any kind of warm-up, would you? Your vagina needs to be wet, either naturally through foreplay or with lube so that your vaginal canal can take his cock without your delicate cervix getting hurt. Your asshole is even more delicate, so it needs just as much preparation before anything penetrates it.

Unlike vaginas, assholes don’t have any way to self-lubricate. Even the most passionate foreplay around this area won’t produce any juices to make penetration smoother. You have to do it yourself. Just as your lover would use his hands or tongue to get you warmed up between your legs, he needs to do the same with your ass.

One way to do this is to have your lover give you a bum massage. You can use different oils or lubes as you massage her cheeks and asshole. Just remember that most massage oils aren’t compatible with condoms, so if your guy is covering up, use a water-based lubricant instead. There are plenty out there that smell (and taste) nice, which will add to the air of arousal. You just might need to use more of it, as water-based lubes absorb into the skin much quicker than oil-based ones.

Erotic massages are the perfect way to get you and your lover warmed up for any kind of sex. Guys, get your lover to lie down on her stomach, then start rubbing her ass cheeks in a small, circular motion, gradually increasing the circles every 30 seconds or so. Gently pinch an area of her buttock and push it up towards her tailbone, then pull it back down (use a warming cream for added sensation). As you massage her bum, use your thumbs to gently part her cheeks.

Then, when she’s used to you pushing between her buttocks, let your thumb linger by her asshole. Don’t try and penetrate her, just push into the deep crack of her bum cheeks, almost brushing her asshole and feel how her body reacts, making sure to keep the rest of your fingers working the softness of her upper cheeks. The point of the massage is to relax her and get her bum used to intimate contact. Then, the idea of something penetrating her won’t seem so strange.

As your ass becomes more and more familiar with how his finger feels, you’ll find that you relax enough to let him push further into you. Stay with his pinkie, if that feels comfortable, but don’t be afraid to let him try his index or middle fingers. The biggest hurdle for novices is getting past that first penetration, however shallow it is. Once you’ve done that, the idea of full anal sex suddenly doesn’t seem so strange or frightening.

Some women find it also helps for their lover to finger their vagina at the same time that he’s fingering your ass. It’s a bit like asking a familiar friend to join the party. You already know how great his finger and cock feel in your pussy, so this is a way of getting your ass to feel the same. You could also try using an anal sex toy, to relax your asshole and get used to feeling penetration. Proper anal toys have wide bases, something to hold on to so the toy doesn’t get sucked in. Our anuses are very powerful vacuums and some objects can get ‘lost’ up there, so always use toys designed specifically for anal play.

Go Slow

Now that you’re completely warmed up, heavily lubricated and your asshole is ready for his cock, remember to go slow. He might be so excited by the sight of your wet asshole waiting to receive him that he can’t wait to get in there, but remember it’s your ass and you are in control.

Guys, gently place the head of your cock inside her asshole, very slowly. The art of perfect ass penetration is to rock, not just push. Imagine her asshole has 5mm markers leading into it. All you have to think about, is reaching the next marker, by rocking into her delicately. Once you’re a bit further in, pull back a little, but never all the way out. Always stay in her ass but rock a tiny bit further in each time, before pulling back again. This gets her ass used to the in-and-out motion of your cock and will continue to relax her muscles and sphincter as you reach further inside her.

With each ‘marker’ reached, you’ll see your head disappearing inside her, but try and stay focused. Once your head is all the way in, you’ll be tempted to think the difficult bit is over and you can just get thrusting. Instead, you need to keep slowly rocking, in and out, inching further up each time. Once you’re inside, you need to stay inside unless she’s more advanced, otherwise you’ll find yourself having to start all over again.

I can’t emphasize enough how crucial it is to go slow. She needs to get used to feeling something in her ass. Some women feel like they need to poop the first time they do anal, but this feeling will pass. It’s a muscular reaction, nothing more. Contrary to popular belief, our asses are not storage containers, they are channels, so there’s nothing else up there you’re going to run into. For novices, it helps if the woman is lying on her stomach as you enter her ass. This way she can use a vibrator on her clit as you penetrate her, which distracts her from any initial discomfort. The more practice you both get, the less she’ll need to do this.

So, once you’re inside her, pump your cock further in, slowly, centimeter by centimeter, and see if you can feel her relax underneath you. Once the initial penetration is done and you don’t slip out of her, her ass will quickly learn to accept your cock and then start opening up further to receive you fully. There should be no rush, guys, because if you’re past the initial phase you’ll get to the rest in good time.

Once you’re in and she’s opened up fully you’re good to go. Just make sure to stay inside, because if you do slip out, it’s not always possible to just slip back inside, like you can in a vagina. Her sphincter will close up tightly and you’ll often have to start the whole process over again (even though it should be easier, second time around!). Remember, always communicate with your partner. Ask her how it feels, if she’s comfortable, and if she’s ready for you to start pumping her.

How To Talk To Your Partner

To be a successful lover, we need to feel comfortable enough with our partners to be as open with them as possible about our sexual needs and desires. Sometimes, we do things for our lovers that we might not necessarily enjoy ourselves, like blow jobs or rimming, but we do it because we love them and want to please them. Often though, we’re wrong to assume things about each other, and we need to communicate more.

Maybe you’re the one who wants to indulge in some anal play with your guy, but you have no idea how he’ll react to the suggestion. Most people assume that guys love anal sex, and any girl who suggests it is a dream lover. But it’s not always the case. Some men see anal sex as ‘unnatural,’ it’s just a question of perception and personal preference. But if we don’t talk to each other, then how will we know what each of us wants?

A good way to approach the subject is to say you’ve read an article or seen something on TV. This way seems as if you’re just mentioning something that interested you, rather than as if you’ve blatantly brought up the subject of anal sex. Usually, a person’s first reaction to the words ‘anal sex,’ will tell you a lot about their opinion on the matter. It might just be that the topic embarrasses them, because they’ve never done it or they feel ashamed that it’s something they do want to try but don’t know how to go about.

Get the conversation started and take it from there. Or, at the very least, you can plant the idea in their head and let them go away and think about it. If your lover knows that anal sex is something you’ve obviously been thinking about, then they’ll start to think about it, too. You might even find some surprising common ground and you’ll both wonder why it took you so long to get around to discussing the subject. If you educate yourself on the topic, read as much as possible and maybe get other peoples’ opinions, you’ll show that you’re serious.

But if you’ve talked to your partner and they’re absolutely not into it, then you need to respect their comfort zone and leave it at that. You never know, they may come around later, but don’t hold it against them. We all have our own preferences in life, sexual and otherwise—that’s what makes us different! Trying to convince your partner to do something they’re obviously not comfortable with will only ever turn into disaster.

One comment on “Back Door Basics: Anal Sex 101 (Lesson 1)

  1. Pingback: Back Door Basics: Anal Sex 101 (Lesson 2) | thefiercelane

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