Talking dirty is a skill that all men should master; it’s a great way to turn her on or spice things up in the bedroom. But it’s not easy, and there’s no right or wrong way to do it because every relationship is different and every woman likes different things. There’s a fine line between dirty talk and disgusting talk, and it’s hard to find a balance.
To help you find the right words to say, we spoke with a handful of dirty-talking ladies about erotic conversation and found that there are some dos and don’ts that most women can agree on.
1. Don’t use derogatory words. “I don’t like being called a slut. Don’t refer to my lady parts as “cunt.” Words like that are jarring. Even if you don’t mean it as an insult, we hear words like those and automatically feel a negative surge because those words are usually used negatively. It takes us out of the moment completely. Total buzz kill and sometimes offensive.” –J, 29
2. Do tell me I’m sexy. “I love when in the middle of sex, a man just looks my body up and down and tells me I’m sexy. It strokes my ego, makes my feel all tingly, and immediately makes me want to do something to make him feel the same way.” –C, 30
3. Don’t tell me to be quiet. “Once I was having sex with an ex and he was having trouble climaxing, and I asked, ‘Are you okay?’ and he said ‘Shhh’ so he could concentrate. It was so rude and seemed like he could have been having sex with a blow-up doll and been just as satisfied. Needless to say, he didn’t finish.” –M, 26
4. Do tell me you want to do this all night long. “Whatever we are doing, nothing makes a girl feel better than hearing that her man wants to keep doing it. It means he’s satisfied, and as long as I like it too, it will make me want to keep going.” –N, 32
5. Don’t suggest not using a condom. “No matter how sexy you try to make it sound, if we don’t know each other that well, I will not want to ‘rawdog this’ with you. One, because I don’t know you well enough, and two, because that sounds disgusting.” –T, 26
6. Do dominate. “So much of our lives as women is about controlling situations and taking care of other people that it’s a relief to have someone take control and take care of us. So feel free to tell me what you want me to do or what you like. A strong and vocal guy is hot, and it eliminates some of the work I would have to do otherwise.” -B, 27
7. Don’t be demeaning. “That being said, I once had a guy tell me I was doing something wrong and I was immediately turned off. I felt like a complete failure, and I did not want to continue having sex with the person who made me feel that way. If you’d like me to do something differently, just suggest something else, don’t tell me I’m doing it wrong/badly.” -E, 32
8. Do say my name. “It shows that he is present and in the moment, and it makes me feel like I’m not just any other girl. It’s hot, especially when he says my name in my ear while he tells me how good it feels. All around, sex is about the connection between people and when names are being exchanged it really supports the idea that we are in the moment together.” –I, 28
9. Don’t get technical. “The words penis and vagina were meant for the doctor’s office, not the bedroom. That is a surefire buzz kill when it comes to sex. If I wanted to get intimate with my doctor, I’d go to my gynecologist.” –B, 28
10. Do tell me how good I feel/taste. “Girls love being complimented, but if you just say, ‘You’re so hot/sexy/beautiful’ over and over again, it will lose its meaning and we will just think you have nothing more to say. If you think I taste or feel good, say it. It might sound weird in your head, but we like to hear it.” –L, 24