Yes, spanking can be sexy, and a majority of women have fantasies about being spanked. Most men, too, find spanking a woman to be a strong sexual turn-on.
But sexual spanking is not the same as the punishment spanking we may have experienced as children.
For a woman, the turn-on is not so much in the sensation of pain as it is in the feeling of helpless submission and vulnerability of being bent over her partner’s lap, the attention being paid to her behind (a primary erotic zone), the feeling of a man’s hand warming her buttocks, and the anticipation of sexual pleasures to come.
For a man, the arousing aspect of spanking is the feeling of control and power over his helpless lover, and the excitement of playing with her attractive bottom, turning it pink and putting her in the mood for some hot, passionate sex.
To master the art of erotic spanking, it is important to understand the following six principles:
- The bottom is a prime erogenous zone; however, unlike other zones such as the breasts and back of the neck, the sexual arousal nerves in the bottom are buried in a layer of fat and require harder stimulation — like in spanking — to trigger them;
- The physiological process of sexual arousal demands that before orgasm can occur, blood must be collected and kept in the genitals and nearby areas. Spanking creates just such a physiological response, as the stinging of the skin causes blood to collect in the bottom (and simultaneously in the nearby genitals), thus accomplishing “mechanically” what caresses and kisses do psychologically;
- A properly done spanking, such as over the knee or with a cushion or other support propping up the woman’s bottom, causes the bottom to squirm from the sting, simultaneously resulting in her rubbing her clitoris on the supporting knee, pillow, etc.
- The feeling of “surrender” or submission is an important part of a woman’s sexual response, as many women need to give up control and give themselves “permission” to feel sexual. Spanking incites and reinforces such feelings;
- However, a woman must feel safe before she can give up control and surrender. Therefore, you must first earn her trust before attempting the game of erotic spanking. You must equate the spanking with sexual pleasure, eschewing any anger, sado-masochistic impulses or desire to humiliate her.
The tacit understanding, no matter what the role play, should be that spanking is a form of foreplayand that orgasm is the goal of both players. Therefore, the actual spanks should be mixed with caresses and gentle rubbing of her bottom and genitalia, and other foreplay if possible.
To use spanking in your sexual repertoire, it is always good to do a little role playing. You can play the stern guardian or headmaster punishing the naughty schoolgirl, or the offended husband or lover pretending to punish his wife or girlfriend for some imaginary transgression.
There are hundreds of roles that can be used as an “excuse” to give your lover a sexy over-the-knee spanking, but whatever role you choose to play, here are some tips to make it especially sexy:
1- Give her a specific “punishment” time and make her wait for it
The anticipation will add to her sexual arousal and increase her receptivity. You can accentuate this by making play with herself at regular intervals while waiting for her spanking. Of course, you will want to ensure that she obeys your instructions, and that she knows her spanking will be harder if she disobeys.
2- Order her to “prepare herself” for her spanking
This could mean taking a bath and making herself clean and beautiful, or dressing in a particular way (e.g. in a schoolgirl outfit, in particular lingerie or in another sexy costume). Tell her that the length of her spanking will depend on how beautiful you find her at the appointed time. These acts of preparing herself will have a direct effect on her state of arousal, as it will make her think about it constantly.
3- Take your time to inspect her appearance when she presents herself for her spanking
Comment on every aspect that might add to her punishment or subtract from it, and let your eyes and hands inspect every inch of her body. The intense scrutiny you are giving her will intensify her excitement.
4- Before beginning the spanking, make her perform a ritual
This could be kneeling in front of you and begging forgiveness for the imaginary transgression. Always agree that she will be forgiven after her “punishment,” as you don’t want to humiliate her. You should act as if you are only spanking her “for her own good,” and you might even tell her about how you intend to ravish her if she is a “good girl” during her spanking.
5- When she is across your knees, take your time before starting
Play with her bottom, squeezing and “testing” its firmness and fullness — and you can feel between her legs to see if she is getting wet. Tell her what you are going to do to her bottom, and how it will look in a few minutes. If you feel her trembling with excitement, you know she is really ready!
6- Ease into the heavier spanking
When you actually start the spanking, you may start by spanking her over her clothing, then over her panties (if you have her wearing them). Once you have warmed her bottom, you will always want to spank her on her bare bottom, as that is the sexiest kind of spanking.
Alternate a dozen or so spanks with rubs of her bottom, using firm but very sexual stroking to spread the warmth all over her rump. A finger between her legs can be used to get her breathing faster. You can also alternate spanks with gentle rubbing of her clitoris, tugging of her labia or caressing of her anus. This will make her associate spanking with other pleasurable sensations, thus conditioning her to get aroused to spanking. Take your time, savoring every smack and every feel of that delectable behind.
7. Use the right technique
The slightly cupped palm with fingers together is the best way to spank, as it makes a good smacking sound and reddens the skin without causing excessive pain. If she seems to be unmoved by such spanks, you can give her a few with a flat palm and spread (relaxed) fingers — those are the stingiest — until she squirms or responds.
A slow tempo, with an irregular rhythm, is the best technique, as the moments of anticipation between each stroke add to the tension; and if she cannot tell when the next stroke might fall, it is doubly effective in increasing her arousal. Again, take your time. Remember, it is not the number of spanks or how hard they are that brings her to a high state of sexual readiness. It is how long and how deeply she feels her submissive helplessness and the total sexual stimulation of her bottom that is the key.
Spank her right
A really good spanker can sometimes bring his partner to climax from such a sexy over-the-knee spanking. But every lover who knows his partner’s symptoms of arousal can judge when the time is right to shift her from the spanking position to implement on his erect shaft, which should be hard and ready from having her naked bottom squirming over it.