“She Is Deceitful But I Love Her”

sad-black-man1

Hi TFL,

There’s this lady I dated for two years & not more than 10% times in the relationship did I record any form of truth. She would lie about anything possible, school, age, family & finance.

I love her so much that it was not easy for me to let her go but because she couldn’t change & I was going to lose myself, in the process of the relationship I had to take the courage to leave.
We stay in the same community, we see everyday and I love her still. Sadly from my findings she has not change a bit.

Please, what can I do? I need to get her out my life for real.

She knows all my weaknesses & she is working hard everyday to get at me. I feel weak & helpless and packing out of the community is not an option.

Please help me. What can I do to win this war?

– Anonymous.

****

Dear Anonymous,

One thing you should know, there is absolutely no way to have a long lasting relationship without honesty. A woman who lies about anything is not a woman you can trust. If it seems like she has not changed, then the best thing is to let her go. You deserve to be with someone who loves you enough to tell you the truth, no matter how bad it is. You need to remind yourself of this each time she tries to get back to you.

First, let her know that you do not see a future for the two of you due to her attitude and you would prefer it if she stays away from you for a while. Explain to her that you need to move on and she needs to focus on herself. She needs time to understand why she always feels the need to lie and how she could solve that. Advise her to speak with someone about it (a parent, a clergy or any other person that can give her good advice) since it is unlikely for her to maintain any kind of relationship with that character. Encourage her to work on herself, but you also need time for yourself too. Perhaps if you both take time off and she gets a chance to solve her issues, then she might be a better mate for you in future.

Until then, try as much as possible to move on. Focus on your education, career, friends and even see if it is possible to nurture a relationship with someone else. But do not be tempted to give in to her request because you would only end up in pain. And when you are with a person that lies repeatedly, the lies would only get bigger and more heartbreaking with time. You deserve better. You deserve love and respect.You deserve honesty and you deserve to be with someone you trust. Do not settle for anything less.

Good luck.

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